


Dust to Dust

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Crying, Dancing, Drinking, Everyone Needs A Hug, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Nightmares, Poor Alexander Hamilton, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Social Anxiety, Soft Thomas Jefferson, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24479956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There had been mutual dislike between Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson since they first lay eyes on each other, with no good explanation other than the fact they had different political views. That dislike had soon blossomed into hate after many arguements and insults, resulting in the two being well known enemies.However, they seemed to spend a lot of time around each other, for two people who apparently hated each other so much, as though they were relying on each other for company. It was better than being alone.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 116





	Dust to Dust

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, so I apologise in advance. 
> 
> Songfic based on the song Dust To Dust by The Civil Wars 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

There had been mutual dislike between Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson since they first lay eyes on each other, with no good explanation other than the fact they had different political views. That dislike had soon blossomed into hate after many arguements and insults, resulting in the two being well known enemies. 

However, they seemed to spend a lot of time around each other, for two people who apparently hated each other so much, as though they were relying on each other for company. It was better than being alone.

_It's not your eyes  
It's not what you say  
It's not your laughter that gives you away  
You're just lonely  
You've been lonely, too long_

Thomas Jefferson returned to his office after a lengthy debate with Hamilton, ending in the shorter man losing this time. He'd kept his smirk and pompous attitude up until his office door closed behind him. The man closed his eyes, leaning against the door, a long sigh escaping his lips. He approached his desk, pouring himself some whiskey, sighing again as the cold liquid ran down his throat. He'd already had some before the debate. Before every debate. It was the only way he could deal with the social anxiety. That, and keeping up the wall of arrogance and pride to mask his broken self. Keeping up the lie that was now his life. Without the alcohol, he'd barely be able to speak to people. He already had little friends as it is. 

Jefferson jumped a little as he heard a knock at the door. He winced as he downed the last of the amber liquid, putting on his smirk and drowning the pain in his eyes with fake emotions. "Come in."

_All your actin'  
Your thin disguise  
All your perfectly delivered lies  
They don't fool me  
You've been lonely, too long_

Alexander Hamilton entered Jefferson's office, watching as the man sat down behind his desk with that arrogant smirk on his face that never quite reached his eyes. It was only recently he'd been noticing these little things about him. 

"Hamilton, what do you want?" The southern accent drawled. 

"Washington asked me to drop these off, seeing as _you_ will be taking this job." Hamilton dropped a stack of papers onto Jefferson's desk, staring at the man.

"Still a little sour as to how it went down in there? Your idea _was_ ridiculous after all." Jefferson looked up at the shorter man, his eyes narrowing under the stare. 

Hamilton looked away, muttering under his breath. 

"Asshole."

"Idiot."

There was silence between them for a moment, until Hamilton nodded towards the glass and bottle of whiskey of Jefferson's desk. "Been drinking?" He questioned, his voice curious.

The Virginian just shrugged. "Celebrating. You know, after _winning_ the debate and all."

However, he stood and quickly cleared the scene up, some sort of panic flashing in his eyes. Hamilton had seen it before, whenever the man was roped into a conversation or stood up to begin his debate. It was very unnoticeable, unless you were looking. And recently, he _had_ been looking. At the man's beautiful curled hair, his smooth skin, his lips- no.

Hamilton shook these thoughts away, though he still felt the sensation in his stomach he always felt when he noticed this pain in Jefferson. It made him want to help the man, ask him what was going on, hold him, make it all okay. Because he knew something was going on with the bastard, and he'd stayed quiet about it for too long.

_Let me in the wall, you've built around  
And we can light a match and burn it down  
Let me hold your hand and dance 'round and 'round the flame  
In front of us  
Dust to Dust_

"Hamilton. What are you still doing here?" Jefferson asked, wanting the man to just leave him be so he could just drop this act and relax. Hamilton was staring at him again. He raised his eyebrows. 

"Hamilton?"

"What's going on with you?" Hamilton said quickly.

Jefferson faltered, but quickly gained his composure and frowned. 

"I'm afraid I'm not following."

"What's going on with you?" Hamilton repeated. "You've been acting strangely. I seem to be the only one who is noticing, but something is going on."

"I'm honoured you've been paying so much attention to me, but-"

"Don't say you don't know what I mean, because I know something's up. So don't lie, and don't make another joke. Why are you acting like this? Is it the alcohol? Have you been drinking lots?" Hamilton raised his voice, trying to figure it out.

"I- what-" Jefferson stuttered, looking like a deer caught in headlights. This, however, didn't last long. 

"Get out." He muttered.

"No, you need to tell-"

"Get OUT!" Jefferson yelled, his temper rising. He'd hidden it for _so_ long. Why did it have to be his worst enemy who found out. 

"NO! Not until you tell me what's going on!"

"Why should I tell you? Of all people? Why the hell would I tell _you_?"

Hamilton hesitated, his eyes darting to the ground.

"Exactly! Now get the hell out of my-"

"I CARE ABOUT YOU!" Hamilton blurted out.

Now it was Jefferson's turn to be at a loss for words. He stared at Hamilton in utter shock.

"I.. I didn't mean to.. I do. I care about you. I don't know why. I don't know how. I just.. I just do, okay? So please, god, what on _earth_ is wrong with you?" Hamilton asked again.

A few more seconds of deafening silence passed, until Jefferson finally found the ability to speak. He didn't know why he was about to tell the man he thought hated him his deepest secret. But he did. 

"I haven't been acting differently. I've been acting the same as always. You've just only started to notice." He paused, looking away from Hamilton. "I have problems speaking with large audiences... or even small groups of people. Hell, I have problems just talking to more than one person. I have social anxiety. Badly. And the only way I can cope with it, is by drinking and-"

"And acting the way you do. All confident and arrogant and proud and pompous and self-absorbed and-"

"Okay okay, I get it. But, yes. It's true. It's just my way of dealing with it. And it helps. So if you have a problem you can just back off." Jefferson told him angrily.

"I don't have a problem." He replied in a soft voice. "But you don't have to act like that now. Not when it's just us. I understand if you have to be like this out there. With other people. When you're debating. But not with me."

Jefferson was staring at him again, his forehead creased with confusion.

"What are you on about Hamilton?"

"I've already told you. I _care_ about you. Please, just, show me you. The _real_ you." He approached Jefferson slowly, resting a hand on the man's arm and feeling him ease under the touch. Jefferson hesitated, but something about Hamilton was making him relax. He didn't feel anxious around him. He felt it was easy to open up to him. He felt comfortable. 

"I.. I think I care about you too, Alexander." He whispered.

Alex smiled, a warmth rushing through him when he heard his name on the Virginian's lips. Those lips...

The next thing he knew he was kissing him, drawing the taller man down, running his hand through his long curls. He smiled into Jefferson's lips when he felt him kissing back. Eventually, they broke apart, panting. 

"Thank you, Thomas. For showing me."

"No. Thank _you_ for seeing." Thomas smiled. He'd been so lonely. Finding it hard to make friends, to talk to people. Now he had Alex. Who'd have thought?

_You've held your head up  
You've fought the fight  
You bear the scars  
You've done your time  
Listen to me  
You've been lonely, too long_

Thomas and Alexander had been together for a week. Thomas finally had someone who understood him. Someone he could show his true self to. A reason to not drink as much as he had been drinking. But how come the shorter man understood him? How come he was the one to see what was going on when no one else did? Turns out they had a few things in common.

Alexander sat up, gasping for breath, soaked in sweat, tears running down his face. He could just make out the time through his blurred vision, 3am. He choked out another sob as he remembered the dream. A hurricane destroying his hometown, then his time he'd spent in the army, losing his friends, the explosions... He choked out a sob, pressing a hand to his mouth so as not to wake Thomas. 

It was too late however, as the man beside him stirred, opened his eyes to look blearily up at Alex. He sat up quickly when he noticed the man's shaking, sobbing state. Pulling him to his chest, he brushed the tears from his eyes and kissed his head. 

"Shh. Shh. It's okay. It's okay, I'm here. You're safe. It was just a nightmare. It's okay." Thomas comforted him. He felt a pain in his chest to see the normally strong man falling apart in his arms. 

Eventually, Alex calmed down, hiccuping and rubbing circles on Thomas' wrist. They stayed hugging each other for a while, until Thomas spoke.

"You want to tell me about it?"

_Let me in the wall, you've built around  
And we can light a match and burn them down  
And let me hold your hand and dance 'round and 'round the flames  
In front of us_

Thomas listened as Alexander told him about the hurricane that detroyed his town. About his time in the army and that he'd lost his best friend, John Laurens. How he'd been alone ever since coming to work here. How he'd been alone for _so_ long, just like him. 

After a while, Alexander left to go clean himself up in the bathroom. It was 4:30am now, but Thomas wasn't tired anymore. He pulled on a t-shirt and plodded into the living room, scrolling through his playlist on his phone. Just as Alex left the bathroom, he turned on some music. The shorter man stopped in his tracks, tilting his head in confusion. Thomas walked over to him and pulled him to the centre of the room.

"What're you doing?" Alex asked, his voice still croaky from crying.

"What does it look like I'm doing." He said simply, holding the man to his chest. Alex closed his eyes, feeling safe from the world with the strong arms wrapped around him and the calming music flowing through his body. They swayed in time to the beat, clinging onto each other, never wanting to let go. 

_You're like a mirror, reflecting me  
Takes one to know one, so take it from me  
You've been lonely  
You've been lonely, too long  
We've been lonely  
We've been lonely, too long_

Now they finally had each other. They could help one another through their pain, through their worries and fears. They would always have each other, because, although they were alone before, they were not alone anymore.


End file.
